… I am the most important thing in the world … not this stupid computer.

As we all know, a cat’s life is rich and full and quite, quite mysterious. While the monkeys were out today, I amused myself by looking for other cats on the internets thing.

Although there are many internets cats, this one seems to have an intriguing hobby: he brings back these things called “garden gloves” that monkeys put on their paws when they’re outside digging in the dirt. Why they do that, I don’t know, but apparently that’s why some of the green things outside get bigger. Although, some of the green things outside of my favorite window are either called “flowers” and some others are called “weeds,” and both kinds of green things are much bigger than I am.

His name is Willy; I approve of the name since it is a little like mine. He likes to bring back these “garden gloves,” and then his humans proudly display his trophies and allow his victims to retrieve their pawcovers. It would be very amusing if Willy returns to the scene of his “crimes” and takes the things again.

Actually, I can’t think why he’d want to carry the things in his mouth, because the humans use them to DIG in DIRT, remember. Very grimy, if you ask me, and they probably smell and taste bad.

I would not succeed in a life of grime, but I wish Willy luck with his, and give him one paw up.

As a committed gentlecat of leisure, my activities of late have not included updating my Internets news page, because really, what more can one say about the comforts of my life. It literally has been quite the life of Riley for me, but of course is well deserved.

About the only major change has been that I now sometimes sleep at the head of the monkeys’ bed, instead of at the foot. This is convenient for sleeptime petting, and also I don’t find it necessary to vacate the premises due to some monkeys’ restless feet late at night.

They took more photographs of me today; I am steeling myself for the ignominy of my image being put up on the Internets where other monkeys will apparently hoot softly, but I am persuaded that at least I was looking my best, as always.

Something very odd happened a few weeks ago; my monkeylady went away one morning and didn’t come back at the end of the day! Or for several days! But my monkeyman stayed home and we had much fun with the little red dot and of course, my beloved String!! Attack!!1! game. 

But then, oh happiness, the monkeyman came home at the end of the day with my monkeylady, who held me and held me and that was the best day I’d had all weekend. She smelled of someplace far away… and also I suspect she was petting! Other! Cats! while she was away, but obviously I am the favorite and best. Naturally. She also smelled a little bit like she had been around some other monkeylady… I think a much older one. She smelled nice. My monkeylady obviously had been held by this older one,
because the scent was in her arms and chest. It was nice, like being held and petted by more than one monkey at once. Such attention is my due, of course, but it is nice.

She hooted and cackled away at my monkeyman, no doubt telling him in their incomprehensibly vocal way about her activities, and seemed to be very happy to be home. She held me in that curled-up way that I like the best, and now at night she’s in the habit of curling me up and carrying me upstairs for sleeping time.

I like this development. I shall even put up with that funny shmip-shmip sound she makes all over my face and ears, because obviously it’s her way of showing affection. She headbumps and grooms me after a fashion (so does the monkeyman), and so we do manage to communicate the important things: Food, Attention… and Love, I think. Definitely Love. 

Just so it’s clear … cat’s can program just fine.

For instance …

public class MeowWorld extends Object {
	public static final void main(String[] args) {
		MeowWorld meow = new MeowWorld();
		meow.go();
	}

	private void go() {
		System.out.println("Just in case you were wondering");
		System.out.println("Meow world");
	}
}

So there!

Schedule for weekdays:

Schedule for weekends:

As you can see, I have quite a busy schedule. Maybe I need an assistant?

So many long days. Bored, bored, bored, and lonely. I called and called, but got no answer. Sometimes the visiting monkey came and fed me and played with me, and most importantly, petted me. Only then did I feel better. But then she would go away and I would be lonely and bored again. Very dull existence.

Once or twice, the tall male monkey came by again – he did something in the secret downstairs (that’s another “no-no Riley” room, apparently. I’m not allowed) and went away soon after.

Finally, finally, early yesterday morning, I heard sounds of one of those noisy monkeyboxes outside, and voices. A lot of bumping and endless delay. Then the door opened out to the monkeybox place and there he was! My monkeyman! My very own!

I could hardly breathe. I stood at the top of the steps as he approached. Was it really true?

And there was… my monkeylady. She approached, and I ran away to show that I was an independent gentlecat. Eventually, I allowed her to reach me and hold me, and hold me, and hold me.

It was that Heaven place, again, only better because I already knew these were my own monkeys.

They certainly seemed happy to see me, too.

They brought in several big bulky things that smelled funny, of far off places and… fish maybe? And feet. They smelled of those big feet things they wear.

The rest of the morning, I was petted and held and cooed over in that odd Catlike dialect the monkeylady speaks to me. Hours passed, and I certainly think I deserved a lot of attention after so long a time alone. The monkeylady seemed fatigued, however, so pretty soon we went upstairs for a nap. Plenty more cuddling and petting ensued.

My monkeylady must have been really tired, as she didn’t get up again until almost dinnertime. More playtime, then food, then petting; it was very much the perfect evening.

Then I helped the monkeylady make up the sleeping place for us all. She opened windows and let the cold night air come in, which smelled crisp and good. Some of that white snow stuff fell and the monkeys evidently thought that was funny, but it sure smells good at night. The bedroom smelled good because the monkey lady got the stale air out and the clean fresh air in. Also she lit tiny little fires around that also smelled good, but in a way that made my whiskers quiver like they do when I’m about to sneeze.

Then we all went to bed. They sure fell asleep fast! I curled up on my special blanket and made sure their feet were warm, and fell asleep soon after.

Morning came early – the monkeys woke up a lot earlier than normal – the talking box that wakes them up didn’t start talking for a long time. More petting. I laid my head on the monkeylady’s pillow and just purred at her. She seemed to like that a lot.

After a while (petting was continuous unless they were in the room where they wash in water, they don’t like themselves clean like I do) they both went away, but didn’t take the big bulky things like them when they left for such a long time.

So that was all right.

They both came back at the end of the day, which was a huge relief. The petting continued (I’ll never have my fill of that. and I keep telling them how happy I am they came back).

Then later on, the monkeyman noticed that I was investigating one of the bulky things, and the monkeylady came over, opened it up, and I got inside. It’s quite comfortable, actually, but smells of that fishy smell. Then she pulled me around the room – apparently, the bulky thing has wheels – before flipping the lid on it closed. I hid in there for a few seconds, but couldn’t take the smell for long, so I stuck my head out.

For some reason, the monkeys were having those convulsion things again.

Anyway, I claimed the bulky thing for my domain, but merely as a matter of record. Also, I made it clear that they are not to fill it up and go away for a long time again, at least not for a good long while.

I love them, but I do have to maintain some standards around here.

The monkeys are still away … and I am just besides myself with boredom. They better have a good excuse when they come back.

The nice lady monkey came again and gave me some more food … we played a bit. She’s pretty fun. She was able to flush out the bright red dot. It changed colors just slightly, but I gave it a run for it’s money. Still haven’t caught it though. I will, rest assured, I will.

cat, vacation, bored

Bored bored bored bored. I am so incredibly bored.

My monkey’s aren’t around, and the other lady monkey only comes by every other day or so. At least she plays with me a bit (and gives me some more food).

Yesterday a tall male monkey came around and went into the underground part of the cave. He also messed around with the picture box. I was so happy to see someone here I gave him my traditional greeting … basically paw his leg. He didn’t seem to happy with that though.

Unfortunately, he went away too.

There is just nothing to do here without monkeys around.

!!!!!

Well, this is an interesting development. My monkeys went away at least a day or so ago, and they haven’t come back yet! What is more, the lady that was here recently returned today for a short visit. At least there is plenty of food, although I don’t get the delicious stuff that comes out of the little metal “cans” as often.

But I am rather bored. Nobody to play with. Nobody to pet me. Stupid monkeys left me alone and all I get are a bunch of little furry mouses to play with all by myself.

Must find a hobby or something to occupy my time until such time as they deign to return. Then they will get the cold furry shoulder for a bit, I can tell you.

I suppose you could say that they have left me in charge, so perhaps I shall just consider the place “Under New Management.” And I might call a meeting of interested pets who have access to the Internets to discuss topics of mutual interest and benefit, such as:

“Who’s In Charge Here, the Monkeys or Me? Why, I Am Of Course.”

“Best Practices for Obtaining a Scritch To Just The Right Spot”

“Tips and Tricks: Getting Your Way Non-Verbally”

Yes, that would be a fine thing to occupy my time. Either that, or there’s always destruction.

The article about my monkeyman was published … you can find it online here or view it as a PDF here.

Someone in that news organization’s web design staff needs to pay more attention though … they used the wrong picture. Clearly they should have used this one: